Over the last few years I've managed to meet a few guys that I, not in the traditional form though, started "dating" (I don't even know if you can call it that). But we sort of started hanging out, then it turned into more, then we just lost contact.
Lately I've been hanging out with a guy that I met for the first time a couple of years ago but started talking to again at the end of last year. We don't write everyday or not even every week but as soon as I hang around where he lives, we meet up in the skatepark for a session. As all the other boys I hanged out in that way before, he confuse me. Even more annoying is that I almost only hang out with guys like him, skate dudes, but it's like every time you put sex into the equation, everything changes.
Don't get me wrong now, the last thing I want is a relationship. I've only felt that strong for one guy I that didn't work out that well for me so... But the thing I mean is that as soon as you've slept with someone, you start to over think EVERYTHING.Even though you don't want to be more than friends you still get anxious to get misinterpreted. What does he think I mean by this? If I write it like that, maybe he thinks I'm interested in him? What does HE mean by that? and so on.
Appose to just being friends and nothing more. If I send a message to one of my friends via Facebook and I can see that they've read it but don't answer me, I'll just start spamming them 'til their phones explode. But that would just feel wrong if I'd do that to him. Just because of something as stupid as sex.
Another thing that has been on my mind is that last time I met up with him was during a skate competition a few weeks back. He came up to me and asked what I would do after the competition, I said I had no plans, and he said I should hang out with him and his friends. We both know what that means. I said okay and that was it, I hanged out with my friends, and he with his. After the competition ended me and his friends hanged out by the mini ramp (I couldn't skate myself due to injury so I just sat by and watched). After a little while he started to come up and hug me, straddle me when I was sitting down and watching, sitting with his arms around me and things like that. I didn't get that at all because if he knew me, he'd know I hate that sort of stuff. Especially if you're NOT in a relationship or on your way into a relationship with each other, but even then. Hate it. And if that was to mark to the other guys that "she's mine", that's just pathetic because I can't be yours if you're not mine (and you're not, just to be clear). But still when he comes down to Halmstad, he doesn't say a peep. No text, no phone call. Nothing. And when I'm around, he now doesn't answer. I sometime feel like he's playing those "mandatory" games that I hate more than anything. The hot-n-cold games. The one's that FRIENDS don't do.
It feels like people nowadays want everyone to be interested in them, to fall in love. But as soon as they show any kind of interest, they think you're annoying and clingy. I myself wouldn't put the extra energy on getting someones hopes up just for the fun of it. I agree it's really nice to be noticed sometimes, but does it really have to be in that way? Be a good, no a GREAT friend, focus on that and I'm sure you'll be more then satisfied. And then when the right person comes around, take all that energy into making him/her feel special, for real.
Sorry for a very fuzzy post but really needed to write this off haha. And I hope that someone out get my point. Now I need to get some sleep, hate being effing sick....
xx
