I just wanna be able to go back in time. I know exactly which day I would go back to. I would go back there and bitch slap myself so hard for the things I then hadn't done yet, but for what I'm about to do. Then I would hold a speech so serious to myself I would be surprised I could be so serious. It has now been 6 months and 12 days since I had the worst night in my life. The night I lost two of my best friends, one of them I later on realized I felt even more for. I've somehow managed to get them back into my life. We are not as good friends as we were before, but I'm still glad that they are there, nearby.
It's kind of annoying actually. Because constantly in the back of my head I wonder what could have been. I was happy before. Honestly and genuinely happy. Not more to it than that. Who ever I hanged out with and whatever we did, I was fine by it. Because I was always happy, as long as I was around friends. That's how it's so weird to me, how I could get that sick. I lost days. Apparently now they have come to terms with that I tore myself out so hard that my mind couldn't deal with it all. So you can really say I wasn't me. Cause the real me had shut off.
I have made misstakes, I know that. Boy do I know that. Misstakes that I can never fix. And that sucks so bad because it wasn't even really me that did them.
But like they say the past is the past, but I just can't seem to leave this behind me....
xx
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